Word by Heartfelt Word
by Pilot-Duo
Summary: A letter is written in pain... (Strongly implied 1xR, 1x2)


((I do not own Gundam Wing, blah blah blah))  
  
Delicate hands hesitantly placed the soft, pink sheet of paper onto the  
flawlessly organized desk. Her eyes darted about the exquisite office of  
the Perfect soldier, knowing all too well that the unusual colored piece of  
paper would be the first thing he's investigate. That was what she wanted.  
Her lips parting with an escaping, troubled sigh, the young girl quickly  
turned and left the office. It pained her heart greatly, like a heavy  
stone had been set onto her chest, slowly beginning to cease her breathing,  
but now it had been done. She waited anxiously for the pair of cobalt eyes  
to devour the text of her heart. It was the only way he'd ever know . . .  
  
Dearest Heero,  
  
I knew you'd read this first. In a way, I'm glad, and yet, I'm grieved.  
You see, Heero Yuy, I can't go on with this relationship any longer.  
Bluntly put, I . . . I hate you, Heero. I hate you so much.  
  
You must be asking yourself, 'Why do you hate me?' Well, I'll tell you  
why. I can't stand the mere fact that you will not return my feelings. I  
loved you, so much Heero, that there's nothing in this world I wouldn't  
have done for you. Do you remember the old days, Heero? How it used to be  
between us? I loved those times. I cherished them so much . . . We would  
just be lying next to each other, nothing kept secret from either of us.  
Everyday, you used to tell me, "I love you." Now, those words are almost  
foreign to me. I either have to ask if you still loved me, or you'd tell  
me only to make me stop crying. It may seem small, but it's the small  
things that count, Heero.  
  
Remember how whenever you'd be on a mission, or I'd be at a meeting, we'd  
keep in touch by phone? We'd call each other and talk for a long while  
about anything. Now, the only time we'd call each other is if the other  
requested the call. Not only that, it'd be very brief. I've . . . I've  
almost forgotten your voice, Heero.  
  
Remember how we used to talk about our future? About how our house would  
be like, or how many kids we'd have, or even how we were going to furnish  
our home? And talks about our wedding . . . You once asked me what I would  
answer if you asked me to marry you. I told you that there's no reason in  
the world why I'd say no. Now, you tell me of your future, your planned  
"lonely" future, which excludes me.  
  
Heero, does this letter sound selfish? Maybe it does, or maybe it doesn't.  
I'm not one to decide; I'm pouring my bleeding heart out to you. My heart  
is bleeding, my head is hurting . . . I want to cry, Heero. I want to cry  
until I fall asleep. But you know what? Do you know how many times I've  
done that already? I'd be lying in bed, alone, thinking of you;  
remembering you, your words, your touch . . . Everything. It'd make me  
cry so hard, I didn't think I'd ever stop. I don't know how many  
pillowcases I soaked up in one night alone with my tears. My heart's  
bleeding, and it won't stop; I wanted you to love me back, Heero. YOUR  
love! Is that so much to ask for, being your girlfriend? I . . . guess it  
must be . . .  
  
Because I -know- that I'm not the only one in that so-called heart of  
yours.  
  
Yes, you've told me before. You told me of -him-; your former lover during  
the war. You told me that you miss him. You told me that, even now, you  
two have this 'odd' relationship. You tried to assure me that it was over  
between you two; that you can't stand him any longer. You told me that I  
had nothing to worry about; that your heart belonged to me. If that's true  
. . .  
  
Then why can't you tear yourself away from him?  
  
"I'm only to meet with him for a while," "I won't be gone long," "Don't  
worry about me," "I'll be back in a week." That 'week' turned into two  
months. Heero, I don't want to know what happened; you seemed so happy  
when you returned. While gone, you never called, never written, never had  
any contact with me . . . I worried about you, so much it made me sick.  
Was I worried about you, or was I worried about our relationship? I don't  
want to know what you did while you were away, Heero. I honestly don't.  
I'm afraid that it'll hurt me too much; more than it has already. Not a  
day went by during that time when I didn't think of you. And I still can't  
stop thinking of you.  
  
A while back, you told me that you think, no, that you -knew- that it was  
possible to love two people at one time. Heero, how is that possible? How  
could you love and devote your entire time to two people, and expect to get  
all their love back? Have you even -thought- of what your two 'lovers'  
might feel in that sort of situation? I know you love him, Heero. I know  
you love your ex lover and claim to love me at the same time. Do you know  
how much it hurts, Heero? Do you know how it feels to know that that one  
person you love, that one person of whom you gave everything to, doesn't  
love you back as much as you love them? That they don't love just you?  
Perhaps it was a good thing that you rarely said, 'I love you', now that I  
think about it. With my current knowledge, it'd only hurt me more the more  
times you said it. Each disgusting lie would be cutting deeper into my  
heart; into my soul.  
  
I don't feel special, I don't feel needed, and I don't feel loved. My  
heart is carrying this heavy, bleeding wound that will scar me for life.  
It hurts so much, Heero. This pain . . . It's almost unbearable. I got so  
happy when I saw you, but now, I feel so disgusted that I just want you to  
gather your belongings and leave.  
  
This past month, while you've been away at your latest mission, has really  
given me some time to think; to begin a therapy of healing. I found out  
that I'm so much happier when you're gone; I can finally smile again!  
Then, I'd see something, like a card that you've given me for Valentine's  
day, or perhaps a letter that you've written to me declaring your "love",  
and I'd find myself on the verge of tears. It hurts so much Heero, that  
this pain is going to drive me insane.  
  
So this leads me to my decision of leaving you, Heero Yuy. My heart throbs  
in torturing pain as the thought of leaving you enters my mind, but I think  
that it'll be the best for both you and I. I can finally begin to heal the  
near-fatal emotional wounds that you've given me, while you go and live  
happily ever after with your "ex lover". Whenever I'll see you, sometime  
in the near future, I know I'm going to start hurting again, but it's only  
for the best. I just hope that whenever you think of me, your heart will  
feel my pain . . .  
  
Sincerely,  
Relena Peacecraft~  
  
PS- Please tell me you told your lover about me . . .  
  
The door to Heero's office flew open. In walked a young man, Heero's age,  
with a "Welcome Back" greeting card in hand. As he neared Heero's desk, he  
instantly noticed the open letter written in black ink on pink paper.  
Curious about who the letter was from, the youth set down the card and  
picked up the letter. Word by heartfelt word, the young man from colony  
L2, thought to have been loved by the soldier who occupied that office,  
read the letter with a troubled heart . . . 


End file.
